You know you are a househusband when you have nightmares of the things in the fridge attacking you.

You know you are a househusband when you try making recipes off the Food Channel.

You know you are a househusband when you have flashbacks to your days as short order cook every breakfast, Toast Up! Cereal Up! Juice!

You know you are a househusband when you wonder when it changed from “Can Joe come over to play” to “Can Joe come over for a play DATE”?

You know you are a househusband when you discover there are unwritten rules on feeding baby. Just because rice crispy squares have no chocolate or nuts do not make them ok

You know you are a househusband when you curse whoever decided to put buttons on baby clothes. They are worse than trying to undo bras.

You know you are a househusband when you start clipping grocery coupons.

You know you are a househusband when you know the true capacity of your stroller and load balancing.

You know you are a househusband when your kids have more spending cash than you do.

You know you are a househusband when you consider rolled fitted sheets to be folded.

You know you are a househusband when you come home with the same number of baby socks that you started with.

You know you are a househusband when you can remove a splinter from a screaming child using needle-nose pliers.

You know you are a househusband when a carrot stick is a peeled carrot. One for each person.

You know you are a househusband when you can put a ponytail in you daughters hair without any screams.

You know you are a househusband when playing with your kids on the playground is the only exercise you get.

You know you are a househusband when your grocery list is written in crayon.

You know you are a househusband if you send the kids outside for a picnic because you can’t find the kitchen table.

You know you are a househusband if you ever used duct tape to hold on a diaper.

You know you are a househusband if you never sort your laundry into white loads and colored loads.

You know you are a househusband if you can step on a toy while carrying a sleeping baby and not make a noise.

You know your househusband may be losing it when you find the couch buried in clean clothes waiting to be folded.

You know your househusband may be losing it when you find the baby dressed in your daughters doll clothes.

You know your househusband may be losing it when your baby’s clothes are on backwards more often than not.

You know you are a househusband if you ever raided your kids piggy banks to pay for a field trip

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever used a rake to clean up your kids playroom.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever fed your kids their breakfast cereal out of Tupperware because you forgot to turn on the dishwasher.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever done laundry pant-less to maximize the number of clean pairs.

You know you are a SAHD if your “Can’t miss show” is on the food network.

You know your are SAHD if you ever changed a baby on a Fast food joint table because the men’s room didn’t have a changing table.

You know your SAHD may be losing it if dinner consists of hot dog hash.

You know you are a SAHD if you grocery list has Kooke added in crayon and you use it as an excuse to pick some up.

You know you are a SAHD if there are dinners that only get made when mommy is away.

You know you are a SAHD if you know to check your kids for underwear before taking them to school.

You know you are a SAHD when you understand that laundry is a never ending battle but still try to come up with plans to win.

You know that you are a SAHD when you know where to get the best price for milk.

You know your SAHD is losing it when he tosses the cat in the air thinking its the baby.

You know you are a SAHD if you know to check you kids pockets for crayons before doing laundry.

You know you are a SAHD is you can no longer smell the diaper pail.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever changed a toddler just before your wife gets home to hide what he ate for a snack.

You know you are a SAHD if your kids activities are the only way you can remember what day of the week it is.

You know you are a SAHD when some clothes make it through the laundry multiple times without seen the inside of a drawer.

You know you are a SAHD if you regularly get the comment ‘I see daddy dressed the baby.’

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever used a screwdriver to separate frozen sausages.

You know you are a SAHD if you ever considered joining a nudist colony to get out of laundry.

You know you are a SAHD if you ever replaced the batteries in a toy with known dead ones to get some quiet time.

You know you are a SAHD if your Christmas Tree is surrounded by a steel dog fence.

You know you are a SAHD if you have discovered the pleasure of Christmas shopping will the kids are in school.

You know you are a SAHD when you know to serve the grilled cheese sandwich light side up.

You know your are a SAHD when you know what time it is by what’s on the Food Network.

You know you are a SAHD when the 5 second rule is a way of life.

You know you are a SAHD to toddlers when you have applied the 5 second rule to an entire box of cereal.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever removed a sock to use as an emergency rag.

You know you are a SAHD when you start saving for a new washer and dryer because the old set just are not doing the job.

You know you are a SAHD when you treat the school drop off zone like a Marine landing. Doors open. Go! Go! Go!

You know you are a SAHD if you take pride in how fast you can get through the self checkout line at the grocery store.

You know you are a SAHD if you occasionally drift the shopping cart around the corners at the grocery store.

You know you are a SAHD if you check the cleanliness of your dish rag by smelling it.

You know you are a SAHD if when house hunting you are checking out the kitchen and the Laundry facilities.

You know you are a SAHD when you can dress a squirming toddler while being tackled by another child.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD when you have a personal best for diaper chain length.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD when you know you can wash them even when they are frozen. Don’t leave them in the van overnight.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD if you know that a pair of old face clothes work in a pinch as a gDiapers insert.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD when you have wiped small amounts of poop off a cover to be able to reuse it.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD when you are truly motivated to get your child potty trained.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD when you have discover the wonders of using the massage shower head for cleaning diapers and toddlers.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD when your daughter has replaced the disposable diaper on her doll with an old cloth one.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD when you know which covers have the good velcro.

You know you are a SAHD if its dinnertime before someone points out that your shirt is on inside out.

You know your are a SAHD if you have injured yourself trying to prevent a spill.

You know you are a SAHD if you ever injured yourself doing laundry.

You know you are a SAHD if you bought your mop at the hardware store because the grocery store ones are to light weight and you keep bending them.

You know you are a #SAHD if you have a Google alarm setup up to remind you to wash the towels.

You know you are a cloth diaper SAHD when you convince your wife to pick up 2 more #gdiaper covers on the way home.

You know you are a SAHD if you have taught your toddler to drink the milk straight from the bowl after he’s finished his cereal.

You know you are a SAHD if you believe that all dishes require soaking before washing.

You know you are a SAHD if you have bent more than one mop in the last year.

You know you are a SAHD if you can make Rice Krispie squares without a recipe.

You know your are a SAHD if you know the best way to clean the glitter glue your daughter used to finger paint on the walls.

You know you are a SAHD if you ever had a discussion with a mom on how to best remove a stain.

You know you are a SAHD if you know what is in the fridge/freezer better than your wife.

You know you are a SAHD if you ever made a second batch of cookies to hide the fact that you finished of the first batch.

You know you are a SAHD if your treat money is dependent on the number of cans in the garage.

You know you are a SAHD when you watch your kids stuff the clean clothes into the drawers and can’t complain because that how you put away yours.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever put on headphones to tune out the screaming.

You know you are a SAHD if you consider your kids leftover grilled cheese crusts to be a suitable snack.

You know you are a SAHD if you precut up your own pancakes before realizing you only need to do that for your toddler.

You know you are a SAHD if your standard serving dishes are the ones the food was cooked in.

You know you are a SAHD if your wife sends you an article on laundry symbols.

You know you are a SAHD if you wash all laundry on regular.

You know you are a SAHD if your wife keep certain items out of the laundry for their protection.

You know you are a #SAHD when moving you consider setting up the kitchen a top priority.

You know you are a #SAHD if you require a pair of tongs to clean the fridge.

You know you are a #sahd when you enjoy going to your mother in laws for dinner because then you don’t have to cook.

You know you are a SAHD if you can brush the knots out of your daughters hair without any screams.

You know you are a #SAHD if you never use the changing table but prefer the floor.

You know you are a #SAHD if you have ever had your kids get into PJs at dinner time because you wanted to truly be caught up on laundry.

You know you are a #SAHD if you consider dish rack stacking an art form. Points for height, style complexity and stability.

You know you are a SAHD if you rearrange the kitchen without your wife’s knowledge and live to tell the tale.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever stuffed the leftover Chinese in the vegetable drawer because it was the only place left that it would fit.

You know you are a SAHD if you routinely double check that your wearing pants before answering the door.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever had to pry a plate off the table after leaving it out overnight in spilled sticky something.

You know you are a SAHD if you have had too much practice removing vital kids artwork that has been glued to the table.

You know you are a SAHD if you mop because you just lost a slipper to the kitchen floor.

You know you are a SAHD if you believe that all dishes should be air dried.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever carried an emergency diaper and wipes in your cargo pants pocket.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever stripped a child before feeding them to avoid more outfit changes.

You know you are a SAHD if there are more Sesame Street videos in your YouTube favorites than anything else.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever used your high school wrestling holds to get shoes on a toddler.

You know you are a SAHD if you have ever used a digital scale to resolve “but his piece is bigger”.

You know you are a SAHD if you have a quick no fail recipe for those “DaddY, I need a dozen treats for tomorrow morning”

You know you are a SAHD if you know the correct way to hold a toddler over a urinal to avoid getting you or your child wet.

You know you are a SAHD when you find a recipe card on the counter left by your wife as a hint to what she wants.